- Our story is about a man who finds a necklace.
But it's no ordinary necklace.
It's Satan's Necklace.
- Nice shot, Stevie Wonder.
- But Barb, I love you.
- What a loser.
- Man, I really feel sorry for that guy.
Every 20 minutes he's on the phone with that girl.
If you ask me, I think she's stringing him along.
Ready for another one, Chuck?
Yeah.
- There you go.
- Tom, can I get some pretzels?
- Sure.
There you go.
- Ah, Mr. Punctuality.
- I've been trying to call for the last hour,
but the line's been busy.
Hey, I'll take the usual, Tom.
You got it.
- Rough day at work, huh?
- You wouldn't believe the shit I had to put up with today.
- There you go.
- Ah, thanks, Tom.
Here I am at this red light,
I'm on my way over here,
and this asshole decides to carjack
this lady in front of me
not knowing that I'm a cop.
Good shit.
Yeah.
Now, me being Dick Fuckin' Tracy,
I gotta apprehend this fuckin' idiot.
Ah, one of Baltimore's finest.
- I tell you what.
I deal with more assholes than a fuckin' proctologist.
Here's to our hero, Dan.
- I'll fuckin' drink to that.
Can you believe after only being separated for two months
that bitch has her boyfriend living in my house,
fucking him in my bed,
and I'm still paying the God damn mortgage?
- Sounds like you're getting fucked
in more ways than one.
- Speaking of getting fucked,
I haven't seen pussy in so long
the fuckin' crack of dawn looks good to me.
- Dawn, have I met her?
- Dawn?
I got your fuckin' Dawn right here buddy, huh?
Whoa.
- What is it?
- It sounds really big.
Ml?!
- Oh.
Oh, let me see that, yeah.
Yeah, that's nice.
You see, that's a vintage Yoo-hoo cap, yeah.
Let me see now.
- Here it comes.
- Oh yeah, it's coming to me now.
This was bottled the summer of '92.
What do you think this valuable find's worth, huh?
- Hey, maybe enough to get you a piece of ass
down the block.
- I got your fuckin' ass right here buddy, huh?
- Yeah, I got...
Hang on.
- What?
- That's strange.
- What?
- I didn't move my metal detector
and it just went off again.
- Huh.
Hey, maybe it could be another Yoo-hoo cap.
QED;
You could have a matching set.
M?”
Looks like you finally got something.
What do you think it's worth?
Yo, Chuck.
Earth to Chuck!
Come in, Captain Yoo-hoo.
Hey, Chuck.
Help easy man.
Easy.
You all right?
- I just feel lightheaded.
- I think you've been out in the fuckin' sun too long.
- I think I had enough, let's call it a day.
- Yeah, that's a good idea.
Let's get the fuck outta here.
- Look what I found.
- God, you scared me.
Where'd you get it at?
- Me and Dan dug it out at old Baker's Field this morning.
- You mean you finally found something
other than bottle caps
with that old metal detector?
- I told you I'd find something sooner or later.
- Well, I hope you worked up an appetite,
'cause dinner is ready.
So, how's Dan?
- Not too bad, considering what he's been going through.
What do you mean?
- Well, Dan and Stacy split up.
- Are you serious?
Yeah.
And now they're in the middle of a legal separation.
They've been married for over 10 years.
- Dan's a big boy, he'll get over it.
- And what about Stacy?
- What do you mean?
From what Dan tells me, she's doing just fine.
I wonder if this necklace is worth anything.
I don't know.
But if you ask me, it looks like something
you might've got out of a box of Cracker Jack's.
- Really.
How's it look?
Mhm.
- Let me check this out.
Hey, this does look pretty good.
- Are you all right, Hun?
- Yeah, I'm all right.
- But he says, right? - Yeah.
- "You have to do the talk!"
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
- Holy sh-
- I got one more, you ready for this?
- Yeah, yeah.
- What does a blonde and a computer have in common?
- What's that?
- You don't appreciate 'em until they go down on ya!
- Excuse me, man.
- Hey, man!
Look what you fuckin' did.
- I'll buy you another drink, man, I'm sorry.
Not the beer.
Look at my God damn shirt.
Hey, I ain't finished with you yet.
- Don't fuck with me.
- Hey, hey, heY-
You all right?
- What?
- Shit, for a minute I thought you were gonna
kick that motherfucker's ass.
Man-
5"“ Though sometimes it was quite strange 5♪“
- What's wrong?
- Just a nightmare.
- You gonna be all right?
Yeah.
- You look like shit, didn't you get any sleep?
Not really.
- You feel all right?
You look like you might be coming down with something.
- I feel...
So drained.
Damn nightmare.
Was it that bad?
- It was just really weird.
What do you mean weird?
- We were having sex, right?
- Wait a minute.
Your nightmare was us having sex?
- The sex part was fine, it was,
you turned into this hideous monster or something.
And then...
Then you puked all over my face.
- I think you've been watching
too many horror movies.
- Yeah, you're probably right.
- Why don't you go upstairs and get some rest?
- Maybe later.
I'm just gonna go downstairs
and play with the metal detector.
I think a Wire's coming loose or something.
Fuck it then.
Oh, fuck.
God.
- HEY-
You must've got a lot done.
You've been down in the basement
for about two hours now.
- Actually, I fell asleep while
I was working on my metal detector.
- Well, you did need to sleep.
I think I'm gonna go upstairs
and get a nice, hot bubble bath.
All right?
Oh, by the way, the paper came.
It's sitting on the sofa.
- So, where you off to?
- Ah, I was supposed to meet a buddy of mine
for lunch today.
- Well, I'll talk to you later Dan, okay?
- Okay-
Take care, Fred.
Hey, how's it going, Chuck?
We still gettin' together today for lunch?
Ah, that's great.
All right.
I'll probably be by then in about an hour
to pick you up, okay?
All right, I'll see you then.
Buh bye.
Hey, who was on the phone?
- Just Dan.
Chuck?
- Yeah, Hun?
Could you come up here for a second?
- Sure.
What do you need, huh?
- Well, I just wanted to know
if you wanted to join me, Hun?
If you know what I mean.
- Just give me a minute.
- Hurry it up, Hun.
I'm really getting horny.
- So am I.
- Yo, Chuck, you ready?
Yo Chuck, you up there?
What the fuck?
Going somewhere, Dan?
- Chuck?
- I'm afraid Chuck's no longer with us.
Nice shot, Dan.
But not good enough!
- Yeah?
Fuck you!
Oh, shit.
What the fuck?
- Our next story is about a man
who goes off the deep end
after catching his wife with another man.
It's called Sliced In Coldblood.
- Don't tell me.
Another late night at the office?
- I told you I was gonna be late all this week.
- I don't remember you saying anything
about being late.
- Remember last week that I told you
that two girls were going on vacation,
and I had to cover for them.
- Is this gonna be an every night thing?
- No.
- It just doesn't matter to you, does it?
- What doesn't matter?
- When was the last time we spent any time together?
- Christ, John.
Is that what this is all about?
- It has been a long time.
- I don't believe this.
Here I am busting my ass working 12 hours a day
and all you can think about is getting fucked?
Well, fuck you!
Can you turn the light out?
5 "“ I'm love for the first time 5"“
a“ In my life a“
5 "“ And I need you 5" “!
5 "“ Right here by my side 5"“
5 "“ So let me know it'll be all right 5"“
5 "“ Tell me, darling 5"“
5♪“ Can we make it through the night 5"“
fima If we don't 5 ""
fima Will our love survive 5 ""!
Fima Yes, that's right 5 ""
5 "“ I'm in love for the first time 5"“
a“ In my life a“
5 "“ And I need you 5" “!
5 "“ Right here by my side 5"“
5 "“ So let me know it'll be all right 5"“
- So, did your husband give you any shit
about coming home late last night?
- What, John giving me shit?
B0 70 an oy D @ e I S
- Aren't you getting a little tired
of sneaking around behind his back?
Why don't you just leave him?
- Now's just not the right time.
Look.
John just lost his job,
I don't think he could handle it right now.
It's as simple as that.
- So, what's on the agenda for today?
- Well, you could fuck me,
or I could fuck you, or we could fuck each other.
- Hm, decisions, decisions, decisions.
Let's see.
I fucked you last night,
and you fucked me the day before,
so why don't we fuck each other?
- Sounds good to me.
You have any of that wine left from last night?
- No, but I have a cold bottle of champagne
downstairs in the basement.
- That'll work.
- I'll be right back.
- Is everything okay, Bob?
John?
It's not what you think.
We were just friends, really.
- Shut up, bitch!
- You fuckin' bastard'.
- Doesn't shut
the fuck up!
BIT-HI
- Hey, Bernice!
I need another beer!
LanpEpn peean |I
- Just a minute, I'm coming!
Okay, bitch.
One fuckin' scream and I'll cut your tongue
out of your throat,
and I'll think nothing about it.
- Here, take my money.
- I don't want your fuckin' money.
I got kinda something else in mind
if you know what I mean.
- Please don't hurt me.
- 40.
Yeah, we're getting ready to come over.
Uh huh.
Yeah, we'll be up there in a little bit.
What about?
Well, yeah.
Oh, God, I'm about to go, Charlie.
I think somebody wants to use the phone.
Yeah, okay.
Talk to you later.
Hey man, what's your fuckin' problem?
Hey, pal, what are you doing?
- That's all we have time for.
- Tell us another!
Please!
- Well, just one more.
Our last story is about a man obsessed with a video game.
It's called Level 21.
- She's-
- I'm not paying you two clowns
to beat off to girly magazines all day.
I take it that since you have all this time on your hands
that you have those reports done.
- Well, actually, we're kinda stuck.
- Stuck?
- We're kind of stuck ending the reports
with "Sincerely Yours" or "Respectfully Yours".
What do you think was more appropriate, Mr. Dobson?
- Hm.
Well, I think "Sincerely Yours" would be best.
Yes, that's it, "Sincerely Yours".
Oh, I'll take that.
Is there a problem?
- We're just glad to have someone like you around
to help us out when we run into problems like this.
By the way, I like what you've done
with your hair today, Mr. Dobson.
' 'MW, thank you.
- You're too much.
- Hey, how's it goin'?
- Not too good.
- What, having problems?
- I'm stuck on level 20 again.
- You ready, Dad?
- Ready for what?
- Remember?
You promised you'd play ball with me.
- Oh, not today.
Look, I'm really busy.
- You know what?
You could be a real asshole sometimes.
- Hey, that Raisin Bran looks pretty good.
Why don't you grab a box?
Something wrong?
- Yeah, something's wrong.
I can't believe you couldn't tear yourself away
from that damn video game
long enough to play catch with your son.
- Yeah, but I'm so close to level 21
I could just taste it.
- Oh, so this stupid video game
is more important to you than your son?
- I know, you're right.
I have been spending too much time on that game.
- Look, I didn't mean to snap at ya,
it's just Billy was really disappointed, you know?
I mean, you did promise him.
- I know, you're right.
I gotta give that game a break anyway.
- Okay-
- Shit!
- What's wrong?
- It's this damn game.
It's really starting to piss me off.
- Why?
- Well, I can't get past level 20.
I got past the first 19 levels
with no problem whatsoever.
' So?
- So, I usually blow through a game like this in 2 days.
- It's probably rigged so you can't even get to level 21.
Christ, level 21 probably don't even exist!
- No, it's there.
- How do you know?
- I can feel it.
- Actually, there is a level 21.
But I doubt you'll ever get there.
- Now what makes you so sure?
Have you ever been to level 21 before, Myron?
- Sure, I've been there, and beyond.
- You've really reached level 21?
- What a weirdo.
He's only been here two weeks
and he thinks he knows everything.
- Well, what do you know about him?
- Here comes Dobson!
- Up and in.
DEFY-I!
- Sweet!
- What did you eat for breakfast?
- All ball.
- My finger! - All ball.
Yeah!
- Jesus Christ, man.
You're playing like shit!
- I know.
I just can't get level 21 out of my head.
- Not that fuckin' game again.
Come on man, give it a break, will ya?
Come on, man.
We can still kick these guys' asses.
- You girls ready to play or what?
Let's go.
- How'd it go?
- Well, let's just say me and Ron kicked some ass.
Dinner ready yet?
In about an hour.
- Okay-
Well, I'll be downstairs.
All right.
- I can't believe it!
I finally hit level 21.
What the...
Hey!
- Who's there?
Down here!
- You've got to be fuckin' kidding.
This has got to be a dream.
- This is no dream, this is level 21.
What do you mean level 21?
- The game!
Don't you remember?
The game you've been playing.
' Yeah?
- Well, this is level 21.
- But level 21 is just a video game.
- Actually, level 1 to 20 are video games,
but level 21 is reality as you can see.
- No, this has to be a dream.
What the hell did you do that for?
If this was a dream, you would not have felt that!
- You little...
- Ah, ah, ah.
Temper, temper, temper.
You'll never make it through level 21
with that attitude,
especially if you make it to that Dark Overlord.
Full'!
I wasn't supposed to say that.
- What do you mean Dark Overlord?
' I Qotta go.
- Where'd he go?
$55111
Now what?
What the...
Oh, no.
Oh, shit.
- No, my friend, I'm on your side.
- Look out!
Boy, that was a close one.
- You'll be meeting much tougher battles
than that, my friend.
- Wait a minute.
I got a couple of questions that haven't been answered yet.
And don't tell me I'm on level 21.
I've heard enough of that shit
from that little 3 foot, shin kicking,
disappearing, double talking little bastard.
What the fuck?
What the hell is it?
- I got this one.
- You son of a bitch!
- Beware...
The Dark...
Overlord.
- Help!
Somebody help me!
Help!
Please, somebody help me!
Please, help me!
Help!
Help me!
Somebody help!
Help!
Please, untie me quick before he gets back.
Oh, thank you, thank you.
- Are you all right?
- I am now that you're here.
But we must hurry.
- Oh, don't worry.
I won't let anybody hurt you.
- We must hurry now!
- Whoa, whoa!
What's the hurry?
- He'll be back soon, we have to go now!
- Who will be back soon?
- The Dark Overlord!
It's too late.
He's already here.
- Where?
I don't see him.
- Don't you see him?
He's right here.
- No, I don't.
- He's right here!
- Where?
- Right here.
Can't you see me now?
Don't worry, I won't let anybody hurt you.
- You won't be laughing when I shove
my sword down your throat.
- You insipid twit!
Do you really think that you're any match for me?
The Dark Overlord?
- You don't scare me.
- How bout now?
- What's the matter?
Afraid to fight me with a sword?
- Me?
Afraid of the sword?
I think not.
Pretty impressive, don't you think?
Actually, there is a level 21,
but I doubt you'll ever get there.
- Myron?
- Game over!
- You're right, the game is over.
I win.
This is just a dream.
- Just in time, dinner's almost ready.
Would you get that, Hun?
- Sure.
Surprise!
- I hope you children have enjoyed the stories.
Until next time...